I can’t believe you clicked on me! Don’t think I didn’t see you waving that arrow around for the last ten minutes. I’ve been watching every move you’ve made.

See all those bodies at the bottom of the page? They’re the other people who’ve hit me with that cursor.

You must be very brave or very silly. I’m guessing you’re very brave. However, I am not a person who takes kindly to having their forehead clicked by someone hiding behind a computer screen.

You owe me.

Drop and give me twenty! You took too long! Now it’s forty with ten sit-ups to boot.

Quicker! Sixty sit-ups, twenty sit-ups and fifty star jumps.

When you’re done with that, immediately return to duty on Matt Porter’s website!

Yours in Dodgeball,

Mr Sergeant